Sarah Dessen

“So close, I thought. A shorter fence, a fatter dog, and everything would be different.”

“How ballsy it was to just assume you know, with one glance, the things another person could live without. As if it was the same for everyone, that simple.”

“Later up in my room, I kept thinking about this, the idea of distance and accomplishment. The further you go, the more you have to be proud of. At the same time, in order to come a long way, you have to be behind to begin with. In the end though, maybe it's not how you reach a place that matters. Just that you get there at all.”

“I was bored. Sad. Lonely. It was only a matter of time before I cracked.”

“This could be a big mistake... but it was already happening. I was not a girl with all the information, but I knew one thing. If this was my forever, I didn't want to spend it here.”

“But it was even worse when you knew at that very moment that there was still time to save yourself, and yet you couldn’t even budge.”

“It's never long distance between friends.”

“This was how I was dealing with everyone and everything lately, taking the good when it came, and the bad the same way, knowing each would pass in its own time.”

“There was no short answer to this; like so much else, it was a long story. But what really makes any story real is knowing someone will hear it. And understand.”

“On my way to the living room, where my family was gathered, I stopped to look at the photo in the foyer. As always, my eyes were drawn to my own face first, then those of my sisters, and finally my mother, looking so small between us. But I saw it differently now.When that picture was taken, we were all gathered around my mother, sheltering her. But that was just one day, one shot. In the time since, we had arranged and rearranged ourselves so many times. We’d all gathered around Whitney, even when she didn’t want us to, and Kirsten and I had gotten closer when she pushed us both away. We were still in flux, as had been clear at the table that night as I watched my mother and sisters come together again. Then, I’d been convinced I was on the outside, but really, I’d always been within arm’s reach. All I had to do was ask, and I, too, would be easily brought back, surrounded and immersed, finding myself safe, somewhere in between.”

“I wanted to tell him so. Find the right words, string them together in the ideal way, knowing that here they would have the best chance of sounding perfect.”

“Whether it was a song, a person, or a story, there was a lot you couldn’t know from just an excerpt, a glance, or part of a chorus.”

“Really? Screaming?”He shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad. But there were definitely some freak-outs on both sides. Though, to be honest, the silence was worse.”“Worse than screaming?” I said.“Much,” he said, nodding. “I mean, at least with an argument, you know what’s happening. Or have some idea. Silence is… it could be anything. It’s just –”“So freaking loud,” I finished for him.He pointed at me. “Exactly.”

“but you could also look at it the other way. Like you’re saying no matter how bad things are for you, I can still relate.”

“It is kind of hard to hold a lot in. But for me… it’s sometimes even harder to let it out.”

“Not for the first time, I wished both of us could just say what we meant. But that, like so much else, was impossible”

“So I learned another system: When in doubt, keep it out – out of earshot, out of the house – even if this meant, really, just keeping it in.”

“One open, one closed. It was no wonder that the first image that came to mind when I thought of either of my sisters was a door. With Kirsten, it was the front one to our house, through which she was always coming in or out, usually in mid-sentence, a gaggle of friends trailing behind her. Whitney’s was the one to her bedroom, which she preferred to keep shut between her and the rest of us, always.”

“I have to admit, an unrequited love is so much better than a real one. I mean, it's perfect... As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.”

“See for me, it’s immediate. Silence is so freaking loud.' This seemed either deep or deeply oxymoronic. I wasn’t sure which.”

“Pretend to be a delinquent?" I asked clarifying."You can do it," Dave advised me. "Just don't smile, and try to look like you're considering stealing something.”

“At every wedding someone stays home.”

“Everyone had a forever.”

“Maybe you could go backwards and forwards at the same time, but it wasn't easy. You had to want to.”

“Now we were both in motion again, moving ahead. So what if there were questions left unanswered. Life went on. We knew that better than anyone.”

“Only a real asshole takes liberties with someone else's car stereo. That's serious.”

“It's like forever, always changing.”

“Some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic.”

“−¿Peor que los gritos?−Mucho peor −dijo, asintiendo con la cabeza−. Mira, en una discusión, al menos, sabes qué es lo que está pasando. O tienes una idea. El silencio es... Puede ser cualquier cosa. Es tan...−Tan ensordecedor... −terminé por él [...].−Exactamente.”

“La música [...] fue una vía de escape. Todo lo demás estaba cambiando o llegaba a su fin, pero la música era un recurso vasto, infinito.”

“Nunca habría sido capaz de decírselo, pero Owen me inspiraba. Las mentiras piadosas que yo decía a diario, las cosas que me guardaba, cada vez que no era sincera del todo... ahora me daba cuenta de eso. También era consciente de lo bien que me sentía al ser capaz de decirle a alguien lo que pensaba de veras. Aunque solo fuera sobre música.”

“I can still see Boo sitting there on the floor, cross-legged, holding my Ken and watching my face as she tried to make me see that between my mother'sPTA and Boo's strange ways there was a middle ground that began here with my Barbie, Sab-rina,and led right to me."She can be anything," Boo told me, and this is what I remember most, her freckled face so solemn, as if she knew she was the first to tell me. "And so can you.”

“So what's your doll's name?" Boo asked me."Barbie," I said. "All their names are Barbie.""I see," she said. "Well, I'd think that would get boring, everyone having the samename."I thought about this, then said, "Okay, then her name is Sabrina.""Well, that's a very nice name," Boo said. I remember she was baking bread,kneading the doughbetween her thick fingers. "What does she do?""Do?" I said."Yes." She flipped the dough over and started in on it from the other side. "Whatdoes she do?""She goes out with Ken," I said."And what else?""She goes to parties," I said slowly. "And shopping.""Oh," Boo said, nodding."She can't work?""She doesn't have to work," I said."Why not?""Because she's Barbie.""I hate to tell you, Caitlin, but somebody has to make payments on that town houseand the Corvette,"Boo said cheerfully. "Unless Barbie has a lot of family money."I considered this while I put on Ken's pants.Boo started pushing the dough into a pan, smoothing it with her hand over the top."You know what Ithink, Caitlin?" Her voice was soft and nice, the way she always spoke to me."What?""I think your Barbie can go shopping, and go out with Ken, and also have aproductive and satisfyingcareer of her own." She opened the oven and slid in the bread pan, adjusting itsposition on the rack."But what can she do?" My mother didn't work and spent her time cleaning thehouse and going to PTA.I couldn't imagine Barbie, whose most casual outfit had sequins and go-go boots,doing s.uch things.Boo came over and plopped right down beside me. I always rememberher being on my level; she'd siton the edge of the sandbox, or lie across her bed with me and Cass as we listened tothe radio."Well," she said thoughtfully, picking up Ken and examining his perfect physique."What do you want todo when you grow up?"I remember this moment so well; I can still see Boo sitting there on the floor, cross-legged, holding myKen and watching my face as she tried to make me see that between my mother'sPTA and Boo'sstrange ways there was a middle ground that began here with my Barbie, Sab-rina,and led right to me."Well," I said abruptly, "I want to be in advertising." I have no idea where this camefrom."Advertising," Boo repeated, nodding. "Okay. Advertising it is. So Sabrina has to goto work every day,coming up with ideas for commercialsand things like that.""She works in an office," I went on. "Sometimes she has to work late.""Sure she does," Boo said. "It's hard to get ahead. Even if you're Barbie.""Because she wants to get promoted," I added. "So she can pay off the town house.And the Corvette.""Very responsible of her," Boo said."Can she be divorced?" I asked. "And famous for her commercialsand ideas?""She can be anything," Boo told me, and this is what I remember most, her freckledface so solemn, as ifshe knew she was the first to tell me. "And so can you.”

“You couldn't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build a world from it.”

“The best gifts come from the heart, not the store.”

“It's okay to accept things from people. It doesn't make you weak or helpless.”

“But you don’t have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.”“You don’t have to assume the worst about everyone, either. The world isn’t always out to get you.”

“Accepting all the good and bad about someone. It's a great thing to aspire to. The hard part is actually doing it.”

“I don't think anyone would think that an ellipsis represents doubt or anything. I think it's more, you know, hinting at the future. What lies ahead.”

“I looked at the sweatshirt again. "'You swim' is a philosophy?" He shrugged. "Better than 'you sink', right?”

“It's a dominance thing," Lissa chimed in. "Like dogs. He was making clear to you that he is the alpha dog." I looked at her. "I mean, you're the alpha dog," she said quickly. "But he doesn't know that yet. He's testing you.""I don't want to be the alpha dog," I grumbled. "I don't want to be a dog, period.”

“Well," I said finally, knowing he was waiting, "you make me laugh."He nodded. "And?""You're pretty good-looking.""Pretty good-looking? I called you beautiful.""You want to be beautiful?" I asked him."Are you saying I'm not?”

“I have boobs!" Chloe said again, a bit too loudly— she'd already had a couple of mini bottles at the Spot. "My boobs are great, goddammit. You know that? They're fantastic! My boobs are amazing.”

“You bought me plastic ware," he said. "Didn't you?'"No," I growled, picking at my license plate."You did!" he hooted, laughing out loud. "You bought me some forks. And knives. And spoons. Because—""No," I said loudly."—you love me!" He grinned, as if he'd solved the puzzler for all time, as I felt a flush creep across my face. Stupid Lissa. I could have killed her."It was on sale," I told him again, as if this was some kind of an excuse."You love me," he said simply, taking the bag and adding it to the others."Only seven bucks," I added, but he was already walking away, so sure of himself. "It was on clearance, for God's sake." "Love me," he called out over his shoulder, in a singsong voice. "You. Love. Me.”

“a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.”

“You know the minute you stop thinking about it, it'll happen.”

“But it's important to acknowledge that while we may make mistakes, in the long run, we may also learn from them.”

“The worst thing you can do if you miss or need someone is let them know it.”

“[...] estaba empezando a darme cuenta de que lo desconocido no es siempre lo más temible. La gente que mejor te conoce puede suponer un peligro mayor, porque las palabras que dicen y las cosas que piensan tienen el riesgo no solo de dar miedo, sino también de ser verdad.”

“Believe in yourself up here and it will make you stronger than you could ever imagine.”