Sarah Dessen

“But maybe that isn't so bad. You can't love anyone that way more than once in a lifetime. It's too hard and it hurts too much when it ends. The first boy is ialways the hardest to get over, Haven. It's just the way the world works.”

“She bought seeds and raided nurseries and mulched and composted and spent full days with her hands full of earth, coaxing life our of the dry, dull grass my father had spent years pushing a mower over.”

“Then, a life was ending. Here, one was about to begin. I didn't believe in signs. But it was hard to ignore the fact that someone, somewhere, might have wanted me to go through this again and see there was another outcome.”

“This felt right. Not just leaving, but how I was doing it. Without regret, without second guessing. And with Wes right there, holding the door open for me as I walked out into the light.”

“Everyone else could get through to my mother: all they had to do was dial a number and wait for her to pick up. If only, I thought, it was that easy for me.”

“I know you guys have some sort of weird thing going on, with that game you play and everything—""It's called a friendship.”

“I turned and looked into the gas station, where Wes was now paying, as the man who'd driven us looked on. "That's too bad," I said."It's okay, though," she assured me. "Someday I'll show you an extraordinary boy, Macy. They do exist. You just have to believe me.""Don't worry," I said. "I do.”

“You should have seen your face," she said, her breath hot in my ear. "Sa-woooon.”

“If there was a way to recognize something you'd never seen but still knew by heart, I felt it as I looked at his face. Finally, someone understood.”

“Who knew three dots could make such a difference? Like everything else, a love or a wish or whatever, it was all in the way you read it.”

“Then I'd crawl back into bed, smelling her all around me, and tell myself that next time, I would lock that window. But I never did.”

“And I felt comfort. Finally. All I'd wanted for so long was for someone to explain everything that had happened to me in this same way. To label it neatly on a page: this leads to this leads to this. I knew, deep down, it was more complicated than that, but watching Jason, I was hopeful. He took the mess that was Macbeth and fixed it, and I had to wonder if he might, in some small way, be able to do the same for me. So I moved myself closer to him, and I'd been there ever since.”

“It took a lot of work to be perfect.”

“Because' I repeated, as a breeze blew over us, "sometimes things just happen. That aren't expected. Or on the list." "Such as?" he asked"I don't know," I said, frustrated. "That's the point. It would be out of the blue, taking us by surprise. Something we might not be prepared for.""But we will be prepared," he said, confused. "We'll have the list.”

“I felt tears prick my eyes as I looked down at the model again, looking at that girl and boy on the curb. Forever in that place, together.”

“She was so emotional, on the verge of tears. This was what I'd wanted to prevent with all those quick disappearances, the tangledness of farewells and all the baggage they brought with them. But now, looking at Deb, I realized what else I'd given up: knowing for sure that someone was going to miss me. What happened to goodbye, Michael in Westcott had written on my Ume.com page. I was pretty sure I knew, now. It had been packed away in a box of its own, trying to be forgotten, until I really needed it. Until now.”

“I dialed the number slowly, wanting to get it right. Two rings, and he picked up. "Yes," I said after his hello. "Mclean?" he asked. "Is that you?""Yeah," I said, swallowing and looking out my open door, at the ocean. "The answer's yes." "The answer . . ." he said slowly. "You asked me to go out with you. I know you probably changed your mind. But you should know, the answer was yes. It's always been yes when it comes to you." He was very quiet for a moment. "Where are you?" I started crying again, my voice ragged. He told me to calm down. He told me it was going to be all right. And then, he told he'd be there soon.”

“Fifteen minutes later, a meeting was called. "Okay, look." Deb's face was dead serious. "I know I just joined this project, and I don't want to offend anyone. But I'm going to be honest. I think you've been going about this all wrong." "I'm offended," Dave told her flatly.”

“Once she'd loved my filet mignon, my carnivore inklings,but now she was a vegan princess, living off of beans. She'd given up the cheese and bacon, sworn off BurgerKing, and when Iwouldn't do the same she gave me back my ring. I stood there by the romaine lettuce,feeling my heartpine.Wishing that this meatless beauty still would be all mine. She turned aroundto go to checkout,fifteen items or less. And I knew this was the last go-round, so this is what I said. ..."Don't you ever give me no rotten tomato, 'cause all I ever wanted was your sweetpotato.”

“All we had was her room, her stories, and the quiet that settled in as we tried in vain to spread ourselves out and fill the space she'd left behind.”

“Maybe" she said. "I just wish we'd have a little mishap.It would be reassuring ”

“You bought me some forks. And knives. And spoons. Because you love me!”

“It was like reaching for someone's hand, then missing their fingers, or even their arm, and hitting their shoulder instead. But no matter. You hang on tight anyway.”

“Says the girl with no thyme.”

“But all the love in the world won't save a sinking ship. You have to either bail or jump overboard.”

“Odd how it was so easy for a stranger to assume such familiarity. Especially when those who were supposed to know you best often didn't, not at all.”

“My point is you're different here. Hollis I've only been here for a month. A lot can happen in a month he replied. Shoot in two weeks I met my future wife changed my entire life's trajectory and bought my first tie. You bought a tie I asked. Because honestly this was the most shocking part.”

“Hollis " I said "you're messing with me right now aren't you You're in Paris or somewhere and just-" "What " he replied. "No This is the real deal. Here I'll prove it." There was a muffled noise followed by some static. Then I heard my mother recite at a distance in her most droll flat tone "Yes. It is true. Your brother is in love and in my kitchen.”

“And while it is hard enough to take away something that makes a person happy it's even more difficult when it seems like it's the only thing.”

“Being nice wasn't as easy as it seemed especially when the rest of the world could be so mean”

“Being self-confident doesn't necessarily start inside. It starts with the rest of the world and leads back to you.”

“He's very nice. He's something I replied. She considered this zipping her purse shut. Then she said Well everyone is. Everyone is Something. For some reason that stuck with me simple and yet not every since she'd said it. It was like a puzzle as well two vague words with one clear one between them.”

“Despite my dad's assurances I was strangely nervous my stomach tight ever since we'd hung up. Maybe Deb had picked up on this and it was why she'd pretty much talked nonstop since I'd approached her and asked for a ride. I'd barely had time to explain the situation before she had launched into a dozen stories to illustrate the point that Things Happened But People Were Okay in the End.”

“I sat up, sliding them off, and the quiet around me did not, for once, seem empty and vast. Instead, for the first time in a while, it felt like it already was full.”

“Everything hurt. I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek to the street, and waited. What for, I didn't know. To be rescued. Or found. But no one came. All I'd ever thought I wanted was to be left alone. Until I was.”

“It was great. Freedom even the imagined kind always is.”

“Sometimes, you get things right the first time. Others, the second. But the third time, they say, is the charm.”

“Sometimes, you have to manufacture your own history. Give fate a push, so to speak.”

“But there was something I liked about the idea of those seeds buried so deep having at least a chance to emerge”

“So I left him there alone to watch history repeat the same events retold again and again on his own.”

“Love is an excuse to put up with shit that you shouldn't”

“So say I’m your mom.''What?' I said.'I’m your mom,' he repeated. 'Now tell me you want to quit modeling.'I could feel myself blushing. 'I can’t do that,' I said.'Why not?' he asked. 'Is it so hard to believe? You think I’m not a good role-player?''No,' I said. 'It’s just–''Because I am. Everyone wanted me to be their mother in group.'I just looked at him. 'I just… It’s weird.''No, it’s hard. But not impossible. Just try it.'A week earlier, I hadn’t even known what color his eyes were. Now, we were family. At least temporarily.”

“In Anger Management,' he said,'we had to do all this role-playing stuff. You know, to get used to handling things in a less volatile way.''You role-played,' I said, trying to picture this.'I had to. It was court-ordered.”

“Impulsiveness can be charming but deliberation can have an appeal, as well.”

“Life shouldn't be about the either/or. We're capable of more than that, you know?”

“Really, it had been stupid to expect anything anyway. A few late nights does not a habit, or a relationship, make.”

“Stuff that would be weird in the bright light of day just wasn't so much once you passed a certain hour.”

“When you don't know where you're going, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to have more than you need.”

“That first love. And the first one who breaks your heart. For me, they just happen to be the same person.”

“Oh darling, don't be bitter. It's the first instinct of the weak.”