Seth Grahame-Smith

“Judge us not equally, Abraham”

“Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do; for I shall not have my best warrior resigned to the service of a man who is fatter than Buddha and duller than the edge of a learning sword.”

“Did this fat little priest mean to take her as a wife? She was horrified at the thought of marrying of man whose only skill with a blade was cutting slivers of gorgonzola.”

“I should like balls infinitely better," she replied, "if they were carried on in a different manner.""You should like balls infinitely better," said Darcy, "if you knew the first thing about them.”

“Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”

“if you're a teenaged babysitter caring for a mute toddler in a remote Maine cabin during a once-in-a-century blizzard while and escaped killers (bearing a strange resemblance to the handicapped boy you and your friends bulled of an embankment and left for dead all those years ago) roams the woods, you're probably in a horror movie.”

“So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse's only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid.”

“From this moment on, nothing is what it seems. You're not a human being, you're a character- and filmmakers are doing everything in their power to kill you even now. Supernatural powers and curses are real, and numbers like 666 and 237 can kill you just as easily as a butch knife.Log cabins are slaughterhouses, cornstalks are antennas for evil, and aliens never, ever come in peace.”

“In the real world, babysitting is a groovy way for young people to learn responsibility (and earn a little pocket money). In the Terrorverse, it's a plot device used to kill teenagers.”

“The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it.”

“I decided that it was more important to laugh than to eat.”

“We must fight for our country and forget our differences. There can be but two parties: the party of patriots and the party of traitors ...”

“I wouldn't back away from what's right just because it's hard.”

“I think common-looking people are the best in the world. That's why the Lord makes so many of them.”

“Real power comes not from hate, but from truth.”

“‎And when this intoxication has worn away... when every desire is fulfilled and every language learned- when there are no more distant cities to explore; no classics to be studied; not another coin to be stuffed in to one's coffers- what then? One can have all the comforts of the world, but what use are they if there is no comfort in them?”

“The day Henry made a choice.....that some men are just too interesting to die.”

“some men are just too interesting to die”

“I am a foe to tyrants, and my country’s friend.”

“But I am happy. And happiness, I have decided, is a noble ambition.”

“one might find men in Congress who possess twice your good looks, but not one who possesses half your good sense.”

“Miss Todd, I want to dance with you in the worst way.”

“Your quarrel is with God. I merely wish to offer Him the opportunity to judge you.”

“Her only fault is that she lacks sense enough to avoid falling in love with such a fool as I!”

“How shall I ever sleep again knowing she is out there in the night? How shall I ever keep another thought in my head when she is all I care to think about?”

“My men have suffered greatly (from boredom), much blood has been shed (by mosquitoes), and I have swung my ax mightily (chopping firewood). Surely we have earned our place in the annals of history—for never has there been so little war in a war.”

“Judge them not equally.”

“my enemy’s enemy is my friend.”

“And I like a mouse who has taken a cat for its tutor.”

“I feel rather like a rabbit that has taken a fox for its pupil.”

“I hereby resolve to kill every vampire in America.”

“One: I am proud to say that my vampires do not sparkle.Two: I feel like in literature that we've gone [this way] towards the kissing vampires side of the needle. I think it's time we go back towards the killing vampires side of the needle.”

“Without death, life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told.A song that can never be sung. For how would one finish? - Henry, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”

“Surely life has taught you that a thing can be both beautiful and vile.”

“Mary is roused to great anxiety by these rumors (but then, she is roused to great anxiety by a great many things).”

“I do not expect I shall ever again have the opportunity of defending and murdering a client in the same day. - Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter”

“For every rod of wet bamboo upon the student's back, the teacher deserves two.”

“Never had she so honestly felt that she could have loved him, as now, when all love must be vain.”

“... Miss Bingley was left to the satisfaction of having forced him to say what gave no one any pain but herself.”

“... Of all the weapons in the world, love was the most dangerous.”

“Without death life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told. A song that could never be sung. For how would one finish it?”

“Hug your children...Kiss your mothers and fathers, your brothers and sisters. Tell them how much you love them, every day. Because every day is the last day. Every light casts a shadow. And only the gods know when the darkness will find us.”

“Funny to get so close...only to have him ripped away again.”

“Captivated by youth and beauty, and that appearance of good humour which youth and beauty generally give”

“Besides, there was no honor in betraying a loyal friend.”

“The prophecy is clear, Your Highness. The Messiah shall topple all the kingdoms of the world. Even yours.”

“An empty theater is a promise unfulfilled.In a few hours, everything around him would be light and noise. Laughter and applause. Colorful people packed together in their colorful finery. Tonight, the promise would be fulfilled. And then, after the curtain came down and the gaslights were snuffed out, there would be darkness again. That was the beauty of it. That was theater.”

“America is thataway, Mr. Lincoln," laughed Davis, pointing north. "You're in Mississippi now.”

“But there are others of my kind...those who see themselves as lions among sheep. As kings--superior to man in every way. Why, then, should they be confined to darkness? Why should they fear man?”

“You speak of eternal life. You speak of indulging the mind and body,” said Abe. “But what of the soul?”“And what use is a soul to a creature that shall never die?”Abe couldn’t help but smile. Here was a strange little man with a strange way of seeing things. Only the second living man he’d ever met who knew the truth of vampires. He drank to excess and spoke in an irritating, high-​pitched voice. It was hard not to like him.“I begin to suspect,” said Abe, “that you would like to be one of them.”Poe laughed at the suggestion. “Is not our existence long and miserable enough?” he asked, laughing. “Who in God’s name would seek to prolong it?”