Stephanie Perkins

“There.You're officially Canadian. Try not to abuse your new power.""Whatever.I'm totally going out tonight.""Good." He slows down. "You should."We're both standing still. He's so close to me.His gaze is locked on mine, and my heart pounds painfully in my chest. I step back and look away. Toph. I like Toph,not St. Clair. Why do I have to keep reminding myself of this? St. Clair is taken."Did you paint these?" I'm desperate to change the mood. "These above your bed?" I glance back,and he's still staring at me.He bites his thumbnail before replying. His voice is odd. "No.My mum did.""Really? Wow,they're good. Really, really...good.""Anna...""Is this here in Paris?""No,it's the street I grew up on. In London.""Oh.""Anna...""Hmm?" I stand with my back to him, trying to examine the paintings. They really are great. I just can't seem to focus. Of course it's not Paris. I should've known-"That guy.Sideburns.You like him?"My back squirms. "You've asked me that before.""What I meant was," he says, flustered. "Your feelings haven't changed? Since you've been here?"It takes a moment to consider the question. "It's not a matter of how I feel," I say at last. "I'm interested,but...I don't know if he's still interested in me."St. Clair edges closer. "Does he still call?""Yeah.I mean,not often. But yes.""Right.Right,well," he says, blinking. "There's your answer."I look away. "I should go.I'm sure you have plans with Ellie.""Yes.I mean,no. I mean, I don't know. If you aren't doing any-"I open his door. "So I'll see you later. Thank you for the Canadian citizenship." I tap the patch on my bag.St. Clair looks strangely hurt. "No problem. Happy to be of service."I take the stairs two at a time to my floor. What just happened? One minute we were fine,and the next it was like I couldn't leave fast enough. I need to get out of here.I need to leave the dorm. Maybe I'm not a brave American,but I think I can be a brave Canadian.I grab the Pariscope from inside my room and jog downstairs.I'm going to see Paris.Alone.”

“Hey,508! Your room is right above mine. You never said."St. Clair smiles. "Maybe I didn't want you blaming me for keeping you up at night with my noisy stomping boots.""Dude.You do stomp.""I know.I'm sorry." He laughs and holds the door open for me.His room is neater than I expected. I always picture the guys with disgusting bedrooms-mountains of soiled boxer shorts and sweat-stained undershirts,unmade beds with sheets that haven't been changed in weeks, posters of beer bottles and women in neon bikinis,empty soda cans and chip bags,and random bits of model airplanes and discarded video games.s”

“Keep laser-focused on school, and I'll see YOU at Christmas.Josh leans his lanky body over my shoulder and peers at my laptop. "Is it just me,or is that 'YOU' sort of threatening?""No.It's not just YOU," I say."I thought your dad was a writer.What's with the 'laser-focused''gentle reminder' shit?""My father is fluent in cliche. Obviously, you've never read one of his novels." I pause. "I can't believe he has the nerve to say he'll give Seany my best."Josh shakes his head in disgust. My friends and I are spending the weekend in the lounge because it's raining again. No one ever mentions this, but it turns out Paris is as drizzly as London. According to St. Clair,that is, our only absent member. He went to some photography show at Ellie's school. Actually,he was supposed to be back by now.He's running late.As usual.Mer and Rashmi are curled up on one of the lobby couches,reading our latest English assignment, Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress. I turn back to my father's email.Gentle reminder... your life sucks.”

“I smile at my friends, but Mer and Rashmi and Josh are distracted, arguing about something that happened over dinner. St. Clair sees me and smiles back. "Good?"I nod.He looks pleased and ducks into the row after me. I always sit four rows up from the center, and we have perfectseats tonight.The chairs are classic red. The movie begins,and the title screen flashes up. "Ugh,we have to sit through the credits?" Rashmi asks. They roll first,like in all old films.I read them happily. I love credits. I love everything about movies.The theater is dark except for the flicker of blacks and whites and grays on-screen. Clark Gable pretends to sleep and places his hand in the center of an empty bus seat. After a moment of irritation,Claudette Colbert gingerly plucks it aside and sits down. Gable smiles to himself,and St. Clair laughs.It's odd,but I keep finding myself distracted. By the white of his teeth through the darkness.By a wavy bit of his hair that sticks straight out to the side. By the soft aroma of his laundry detergent. He nudges me to silently offer the armrest,but I decline and he takes it.His arm is close to mine,slightly elevated. I glance at his hands.Mine are tiny compared to his large,knuckly boy hands.And,suddenly,I want to touch him.Not a push,or a shove,or even a friendly hug. I want to feel the creases in his skin,connect his freckles with invisible lines,brush my fingers across the inside of his wrist. He shifts. I have the strangest feeling that he's as aware of me as I am of him. I can't concentrate. The characters on the screen are squabbling, but for the life of me, I don't know what about. How long have I not been paying attention?St. Clair coughs and shifts again. His leg brushes against mine.It stays there. I'm paralyzed. I should move it; it feels too unnatural.How can he not notice his leg is touching my leg? From the corner of my eye,I see the profile of his chin and nose,and-oh,dear God-the curve of his lips.There.He glanced at me. I know he did.I bore my eyes into the screen, trying my best to prove that I am Really Interested in this movie.St. Clair stiffens but doesn't move his leg.Is he holding his breath? I think he is.I'm holding mine. I exhale and cringe-it's so loud and unnatural.Again.Another glance. This time I turn, automatically,just as he's turning away. It's a dance,and now there's a feeling in the air like one of us should say something.Focus,Anna. Focus. "Do you like it?" I whisper.He pauses. "The film?"I'm thankful the shadows hide my blush."I like it very much," he says.I risk a glance,and St. Clair stares back. Deeply.He has not looked at me like this before.I turn away first, then feel him turn a few beats later.I know he is smiling,and my heart races.”

“Steve Carver-the guy with the faux-surfer hair-and Amanda's best friend, Nicole,are chosen.Rashmi and I groan in a rare moment of camaraderie.Steve pumps a fist in the air.What a meathead.The selecting begins,and Amanda is chosen first. Of course. And then Steve's best friend.Of course. Rashmi elbows me. "bet you five euros I'm picked last.""I'll take that bet.Because it's totally me."Amanda turns in her seat toward me and lowers her voice. "That's a safe bet, Skunk Girl. Who'd want you on their team?"My jaw unhinges stupidly."St. Clair!" Steve's voice startles me. It figures that St. Clair would be picked early. Everyone looks at him, but he's staring down Amanda. "Me," he says, in answer to her question. "I want Anna on my team,and you'd be lucky to have her."She flushes and quickly turns back around,but not before shooting me another dagger.What have I ever done to her?More names are called. More names that are NOT mine. St. Clair goes to get my attention,but I pretend I don't notice. I can't bear to look at him.I'm too humiliated. Soon the selection is down to me, Rashmi,and a skinny dude who, for whatever reason,is called Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger is always wearing this expresion of surprise, like someone's just called his name, and he can't figure out where the voice is coming from."Rashmi," Nicole says without hestitation.My heart sinks.Now it's between me and someone named Cheeseburger. I focus my attention down on my desk, at the picture of me that Josh drew earlier today in history. I'm dressed like a medieval peasant (we're studying the Black Plague), and I have a fierce scowl and a dead rat dangling from one hand.Amanda whispers into Steve's ear. I feel her smirking at me,and my face burns.Steve clears his throat. "Cheeseburger.”

“Wanna go to the movies? They're showing It Happened One Night at Le Champo." Just because I haven't gone out doesn't mean I haven't pored over the glorious Pariscope."They're showing what? And I'm not gonna tell you how badly you just butchered that theater's name.""It Happened One Night. Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert.Won five Academy Awards.It was a big deal.""In what century?""Ha ha. Honestly, you'll like it. I hear it's great."Rashmi rubs her temples. "I don't know. I don't really like old movies. The acting is so, 'Hey buddy,ol' pal. Let's go wear our hats and have a big misunderstanding.”

“Any girl faced with daily attention from a gorgeous boy with a cute accent and perfect hair would be hard-pressed not to develop a big,stinking, painful,all-the-time,all consuming crush.Not that that's what's happening to me.Like I said.It's a relief to know it won't happen. It makes things easier. Most girls laugh too hard at his jokes and find excuses to gently press his arm. To touch him.Instead,I argue and roll my eyes and act indifferent. And when I touch his arm,I shove it.Because that's what friends do.Besides,I have more important things on my mind: movies.I've been in France for a month, and though I have ridden the elevators to the top of La Tour Eiffel (Mer took me while St. Clair and Rashmi waited below on the lawn-St. Clair because he's afraid of falling and Rashmi because she refuses to do anything touristy), and though I have walked the viewing platform of L'Arc de Triomphe (Mer took me again,of course, while St. Clair stayed below and threatened to push Josh and Rashmi into the insane traffic circle),I still haven't been to the movies.Actually,I have yet to leave campus alone. Kind of embarrassing.But I have a plan.First,I'll convince someone to go to a theater with me. Shouldn't be too difficult; everyone likes the movies.And then I'll take notes on everything they say and do, and then I'll be comfortable going back to that theater alone.A”

“To her amazement,Ellie breaks into an ear-to-ear smile.Oddly enough, it's this moment I realize that despite her husky voice and Parisian attire,she's sort of...plain. But friendly-looking.That still doesn't mean I like her.”

“He's gleeful to know something I don't. Which is annoying considering we're both aware that he knows everything about Parisian life, whereas I have the savvy of a chocolate croissant.”

“St. Clair tucks the tips of his fingers into his pockets and kicks the cobblestones with the toe of his boots. "Well?" he finally asks."Thank you." I'm stunned. "It was really sweet of you to bring me here.""Ah,well." He straightens up and shrugs-that full-bodied French shrug he does so well-and reassumes his usual, assured state of being. "Have to start somewhere. Now make a wish.""Huh?" I have such a way with words. I should write epic poetry or jingles for cat food commercials.He smiles. "Place your feet on the star, and make a wish.""Oh.Okay,sure." I slide my feet together so I'm standing in the center. "I wish-""Don't say it aloud!" St. Clair rushes forward, as if to stop my words with his body,and my stomach flips violently. "Don't you know anything about making wishes? You only get a limited number in life. Falling stars, eyelashes,dandelions-""Birthday candles."He ignores the dig. "Exactly. So you ought to take advantage of them when they arise,and superstition says if you make a wish on that star, it'll come true." He pauses before continuing. "Which is better than the other one I've heard.""That I'll die a painful death of poisoning, shooting,beating, and drowning?""Hypothermia,not drowning." St. Clair laughs. He has a wonderful, boyish laugh. "But no. I've heard anyone who stands here is destined to return to Paris someday. And as I understand it,one year for you is one year to many. Am I right?"I close my eyes. Mom and Seany appear before me. Bridge.Toph.I nod."All right,then.So keep your eyes closed.And make a wish."I take a deep breath. The cool dampness of the nearby trees fills my lungs. What do I want? It's a difficult quesiton.I want to go home,but I have to admit I've enjoyed tonight. And what if this is the only time in my entire life I visit Paris? I know I just told St. Clair that I don't want to be here, but there's a part of me-a teeny, tiny part-that's curious. If my father called tomorrow and ordered me home,I might be disappointed. I still haven't seen the Mona Lisa. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower.Walked beneath the Arc de Triomphe.So what else do I want?I want to feel Toph's lips again.I want him to wait.But there's another part of me,a part I really,really hate,that knows even if we do make it,I'd still move away for college next year.So I'd see him this Christmas and next summer,and then...would that be it?And then there's the other thing.The thing I'm trying to ignore. The thing I shouldn't want,the thing I can't have.And he's standing in front of me right now.So what do I wish for? Something I'm not sure I want? Someone I'm not sure I need? Or someone I know I can't have?Screw it.Let the fates decide.I wish for the thing that is best for me.How's that for a generalization? I open my eyes,and the wind is blowing harder. St. Clair pushes a strand of hair from his eyes. "Must have been a good one," he says.”

“See that guy over there?" I nod toward a man in jean shorts and a Budweiser T-shirt. "Am I that obvious?"St. Clair squints at him. "Obviously what? Balding? Overweight? Tasteless?""American."He sighs melodramtically. "Honestly, Anna. You must get over this.""I just don't want to offend anyone. I hear they offend easily.""You're not offending anyone except me right now.""What about her?" I point to a middle-aged woman in khaki shorts and a knit top with stars and stripes on it.She has a camera strapped to her belt and is arguing with a man in a bucket hat. Her husband,I suppose."Completely offensive.""I mean,am I as obvious as her?""Considering she's wearing the American flag, I'd venture a no on that one." He bites his thumbnail. "Listen.I think I have a solution to your problem, but you'll have to wait for it. Just promise you'll stop asking me to compare you to fifty-year-old women,and I'll take care of everything.""How? With what? A French passport?"He snorts. "I didn't say I'd make you French." I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off. "Deal?""Deal," I say uncomfortably. I don't care for surprises. "But it better be good.""Oh,it's good." And St. Clair looks so smug that I'm about to call him on it, when I realize I can't see our school anymore.I don't believe it.He's completely distracted me.”

“I know sneakers aren't very French-I should be wearing pointy boots or scary heels-but at least they aren't white. It's true what they say about white sneakers. Only American tourists wear them,big ugly things made for mowing grass or painting houses.”

“Your brother?" St. Clair points above my bed to the only picture I've hung up. Seany is grinning at the camera and pointing at one of my mother's research turtles,which is lifting its neck and threatening to take away his finger. Mom is doing a study on the lifetime reproductive habits of snapping turtles and visits her brood in the Chattahoochie River several times a month. My brother loves to go with her, while I prefer the safety of our home. Snapping turtles are mean."Yep.That's Sean.""That's a little Irish for a family with tartan bedspreads."I smile. "It's kind of a sore spot. My mom loved the name,but Granddad-my father's father-practically died when he heard it.He was rooting for Malcolm or Ewan or Dougal instead."St. Clair laughs. "How old is he?""Seven.He's in the second grade.""That's a big age difference.""Well,he was either an accident or a last-ditch effort to save a failing marriage.I've never had the nerve to ask which.”

“You're fixing everything I set down." He nods at my hands, which are readjusting the elephant. "It wasn't polite of me to come in and start touching your things.""Oh,it's okay," I say quickly, letting go of the figurine. "You can touch anything of mine you want."He freezes. A funny look runs across his face before I realize what I've said. I didn't mean it like that.Not that that/i> would be so bad.But I like Toph,and St. Clair has a girlfriend. And even if the situation were different, Mer still has dibs. I'd never do that to her after how nice she was my first day.And my second. And every other day this week.Besides,he's just an attractive boy. Nothing to get worked up over. I mean, the streets of Europe are filled with beautiful guys, right? Guys with grooming regimens and proper haircuts and stylish coats.Not that I've seen anyone even remotely as good-looking as Monsieur Etienne St.Clair.But still.He turns his face away from mine. Is it my imagination or does he look embarrassed? But why would he be embarrassed? I'm the one with the idiotic mouth."Is that your boyfriend?" He points to my laptop's wallpaper, a photo of my coworkers and me goofing around. It was taken before the midnight release of the lastest fantasy-novel-to-film adaptation. Most of us were dressed like elves or wizards. "The one with his eyes closed?""WHAT?" He thinks I'd date a guy like Hercules Hercules is an assistant manager. He's ten years older than me and,yes, that's his real name. And even though he's sweet and knows more about Japanese horror films than anyone,he also has a ponytail.A ponytail."Anna,I'm kidding.This one. Sideburns." He points to Toph,the reason I love the picture so much.Our heads are turned into each other, and we're wearing secret smiles,as if sharing a private joke."Oh.Uh...no.Not really.I mean, Toph was my almost-boyfriend.I moved away before..." I trail off, uncomfortable. "Before much could happen.”

“Anna?" Someone knocks on my door, and it startles me out of my seat.No.Not someone. St. Clair.I'm wearing an old Mayfield Dairy T-shirt, complete with yellow-and-brown cow logo,and hot pink flannel pajama bottoms covered in giant strawberries. I am not even wearing a bra."Anna,I know you're in there. I can see your light.""Hold on a sec!" I blurt. "I'll be right there." I grab my black hoodie and zip it up over the cow's face before wrenching open the door. "Hisorryaboutthat. Come in."I open the door wide but he stands there for a moment, just staring at me. I can't read the expression on his face. Then he breaks into a mischievous smile and brushes past me."Nice strawberries.""Shut up.""No,I mean it. Cute."And even though he doesn't mean it like I-want-to-leave-my-girlfriend-and-start-dating-you cute,something flickers inside of me. The "force of strength and destruction" Tita de la Garza knew so well.St. Clair stands in the center of my room.He scratches his head, and his T-shirt lifts up on one side, exposing a slice of bare stomach.Foomp! My inner fire ignites."It's really...er...clean," he says.Fizz. Flames extinguished.”

“It sucked balls.Dirty balls. Like I-ran-a-mile-in-July-while-wearing-leather-pants balls.”

“Let's go over the facts one more time," Josh says. "This is your first weekend away from home?""Yes.""Your first weekend without parental supervision?""Yes.""Your first weekend without parental supervision in Paris? And you want to spend it in your bedroom? Alone?" He and Rashmi exchange pitying glances. I look at St. Clair for help, but find him staring at me with his head tilted to the side."What?" I ask,irritated. "Soup on my chin? Green bean between my teeth?"St. Clair smiles to himself. "I like your stripe," he finally says. He reaches out and touches it lightly. "You have perfect hair.”

“He shakes his head. His dark messy hair has a few curls in it today.It's quite breathtaking,really.If there were an Olympics competition in hair, St. Clair would totally win,hands down. Ten-point-oh.Gold medal.”

“The pressure is on. They've teased me all week, because I've avoided anything that requires ordering. I've made excuses (I'm allergic to beef," "Nothing tastes better than bread," Ravioli is overrated"), but I can't avoid it forever.Monsieur Boutin is working the counter again. I grab a tray and take a deep breath."Bonjour, uh...soup? Sopa? S'il vous plait?""Hello" and "please." I've learned the polite words first, in hopes that the French will forgive me for butchering the remainder of their beautiful language. I point to the vat of orangey-red soup. Butternut squash, I think. The smell is extraordinary, like sage and autumn. It's early September, and the weather is still warm. When does fall come to Paris?"Ah! soupe.I mean,oui. Oui!" My cheeks burn. "And,um, the uh-chicken-salad-green-bean thingy?"Monsieur Boutin laughs. It's a jolly, bowl-full-of-jelly, Santa Claus laugh. "Chicken and haricots verts, oui. You know,you may speek Ingleesh to me. I understand eet vairy well."My blush deepends. Of course he'd speak English in an American school. And I've been living on stupid pears and baquettes for five days. He hands me a bowl of soup and a small plate of chicken salad, and my stomach rumbles at the sight of hot food."Merci," I say."De rien.You're welcome. And I 'ope you don't skeep meals to avoid me anymore!" He places his hand on his chest, as if brokenhearted. I smile and shake my head no. I can do this. I can do this. I can-"NOW THAT WASN'T SO TERRIBLE, WAS IT, ANNA?" St. Clair hollers from the other side of the cafeteria.I spin around and give him the finger down low, hoping Monsieur Boutin can't see. St. Clair responds by grinning and giving me the British version, the V-sign with his first two fingers. Monsieur Boutin tuts behind me with good nature. I pay for my meal and take the seat next to St. Clair. "Thanks. I forgot how to flip off the English. I'll use the correct hand gesture next time.""My pleasure. Always happy to educate." He's wearing the same clothing as yesterday, jeans and a ratty T-shirt with Napolean's silhouette on it.When I asked him about it,he said Napolean was his hero. "Not because he was a decent bloke, mind you.He was an arse. But he was a short arse,like meself."I wonder if he slept at Ellie's. That's probably why he hasn't changed his clothes. He rides the metro to her college every night, and they hang out there. Rashmi and Mer have been worked up, like maybe Ellie thinks she's too good for them now."You know,Anna," Rashmi says, "most Parisians understand English. You don't have to be so shy."Yeah.Thanks for pointing that out now.”

“So you and St. Clair seemed pretty friendly at breakfast.""Um." Is she threatened by me?"I wouldn't get any ideas if I were you," she continues. "Not even you're pretty enough to steal him from his girlfriend. They've been together forever."Was that a compliment? Or not? Her emphasizing is really getting on my nerves. (My nerves.)Amanda gives a fake, bored yawn. "Interesting hair."I touch it self-consciously. "Thanks. My friend bleached it." Bridge added the thick band to my dark brown hair just last week. Normally, I keep the stripe tucked behind my right ear, but tonight it's back in a ponytail."Do you like it?" she asks. Universal bitch-speak for I think it's hideous.I drop my hand. "Yeah.That's why I did it.""You know,I wouldn't pull it back like that. You kinda look like a skunk.""At least she doesn't reek like one." Rashmi appears behind me. She'd been visiting Meredith; I'd heard their muffled voices through my walls. "Delightful perfume, Amanda. Use a little more next time. I don't know if they can smell you in London.”

“Josh and Rashmi are making out-I can actually see tongue-so I turn to my bread and grapes.How biblical of me.The grapes are smaller than I'm used to, and the skin is slightly textured. Is that dirt? I dip my napkin in water and dab at the tiny purple globes. It helps, but they're still sort of rough. Hmm. St. Clair and Meredith stop talking. I glance up to find them staring at me in matching bemusement. "What?""Nothing," he says. "Continue your grape bath.""They were dirty.""Have you tried one?" she asks."No,they've still got these little mud flecks." I hold one up to show them. St. Clair plucks it from my fingers and pops it into his mouth.I'm hypnotized by his lips, his throat, as he swallows.I hesitate. Would I rather have clean food or his good opinion?He picks up another and smiles. "Open up."I open up.The grape brushes my lower lip as he slides it in. It explodes in my mouth, and I'm so startled by the juice that I nearly spit it out. The flavor is intense, more like grape candy than actual fruit. To say I've tasted nothing like it before is an understatement. Meredith and St. Clair laugh. "Wait until you try them as wine," she says.St. Clair twirls a forkful of pasta. "So. How was French class?"The abrupt subject change makes me shudder. "Professeur Gillet is scary. She's all frown lines." I tear off a piece of baguette. The crust crackles, and the inside is light and springy. Oh,man. I shove another hunk into my mouth.”

“I'm not British.I'm American."I smile. "Sure you are.""I am.You have to be an American to attend SOAP,remember?""Soap?""School of America in Paris," he explains. "SOAP."Nice.My father sent me here to be cleansed.”

“Sorry,Chef Pierre. I'm a little distracted by this English French American Boy Masterpiece.”

“Everyone's here except for St. Clair." Meredith cranes her neck around the cafeteria. "He's usually running late.""Always," Josh corrects. "Always running late."I clear my throat. "I think I met him last night. In the hallway.""Good hair and an English accent?" Meredith asks."Um.Yeah.I guess." I try to keep my voice casual.Josh smirks. "Everyone's in luuurve with St. Clair.""Oh,shut up," Meredith says."I'm not." Rashmi looks at me for the first time, calculating whether or not I might fall in love with her own boyfriend.He lets go of her hand and gives an exaggerated sigh. "Well,I am. I'm asking him to prom. This is our year, I just know it.""This school has a prom?" I ask."God no," Rashmi says. "Yeah,Josh. You and St. Clair would look really cute in matching tuxes.""Tails." The English accent makes Meredith and me jump in our seats. Hallway boy. Beautiful boy. His hair is damp from the rain. "I insist the tuxes have tails, or I'm giving your corsage to Steve Carver instead.""St. Clair!" Josh springs from his seat, and they give each other the classic two-thumps-on-the-back guy hug."No kiss? I'm crushed,mate.""Thought it might miff the ol' ball and chain. She doesn't know about us yet.""Whatever," Rashi says,but she's smiling now. It's a good look for her. She should utilize the corners of her mouth more often.Beautiful Hallway Boy (Am I supposed to call him Etienne or St. Clair?) drops his bag and slides into the remaining seat between Rashmi and me. "Anna." He's surprised to see me,and I'm startled,too. He remembers me."Nice umbrella.Could've used that this morning." He shakes a hand through his hair, and a drop lands on my bare arm. Words fail me. Unfortunately, my stomach speaks for itself. His eyes pop at the rumble,and I'm alarmed by how big and brown they are. As if he needed any further weapons against the female race.Josh must be right. Every girl in school must be in love with him."Sounds terrible.You ought to feed that thing. Unless..." He pretends to examine me, then comes in close with a whisper. "Unless you're one of those girls who never eats. Can't tolerate that, I'm afraid. Have to give you a lifetime table ban."I'm determined to speak rationally in his presence. "I'm not sure how to order.""Easy," Josh says. "Stand in line. Tell them what you want.Accept delicious goodies. And then give them your meal card and two pints of blood.""I heard they raised it to three pints this year," Rashmi says."Bone marrow," Beautiful Hallway Boy says. "Or your left earlobe.""I meant the menu,thank you very much." I gesture to the chalkboard above one of the chefs. An exquisite cursive hand has written out the morning's menu in pink and yellow and white.In French. "Not exactly my first language.""You don't speak French?" Meredith asks."I've taken Spanish for three years. It's not like I ever thought I'd be moving to Paris.""It's okay," Meredith says quickly. "A lot of people here don't speak French.""But most of them do," Josh adds."But most of them not very well." Rashmi looks pointedly at him."You'll learn the lanaguage of food first. The language of love." Josh rubs his belly like a shiny Buddha. "Oeuf. Egg. Pomme. Apple. Lapin. Rabbit.""Not funny." Rashmi punches him in the arm. "No wonder Isis bites you. Jerk."I glance at the chalkboard again. It's still in French. "And, um, until then?""Right." Beautiful Hallway Boy pushes back his chair. "Come along, then. I haven't eaten either." I can't help but notice several girls gaping at him as we wind our way through the crowd.”

“See you at breakfast?""Yeah.See ya." I try to say this casually,but I'm so thrilled that I skip from her room and promptly slam into a wall.Whoops.Not a wall.A boy."Oof." He staggers backward."Sorry! I'm so sorry,I didn't know you were there."He shakes his head,a little dazed. The first thing I notice is his hair-it's the first thing I notice about everyone. It's dark brown and messy and somehow both long and short at the same time. I think of the Beatles,since I've just seen them in Meredith's room. It's artist hair.Musician hair. I-pretend-I-don't-care-but-I-really-do-hair.Beautiful hair."It's okay,I didn't see you either. Are you all right,then?"Oh my.He's English."Er.Does Mer live here?"Seriously,I don't know any American girl who can resist an English accent.The boy clears his throat. "Meredith Chevalier? Tall girl? Big,curly hair?" Then he looks at me like I'm crazy or half deaf,like my Nanna Oliphant. Nanna just smiles and shakes her head whenever I ask, "What kind of salad dressing would you like?" or "Where did you put Granddad's false teeth?""I'm sorry." He takes the smallest step away from me. "You were going to bed.""Yes! Meredith lives there.I've just spent two hours with her." I announce this proudly like my brother, Seany, whenever he finds something disgusting in the yard. "I'm Anna! I'm new here!" Oh God. What.Is with.The scary enthusiasm? My cheeks catch fire, and it's all so humiliating.The beautiful boy gives an amused grin. His teeth are lovely-straight on top and crooked on the bottom,with a touch of overbite. I'm a sucker for smiles like this,due to my own lack of orthodontia. I have a gap between my front teeth the size of a raisin."Etienne," he says. "I live one floor up.""I live here." I point dumbly at my room while my mind whirs: French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.He raps twice on Meredith's door. "Well. I'll see you around then, Anna."Eh-t-yen says my name like this: Ah-na.My heart thump thump thumps in my chest.”

“But Matt's the only guy I've ever gone out with,and he barely counts.I once told him I'd dated this guy named Stuart Thistleback at summer camp. Stuart Thistleback had auburn hair and played the stand-up bass, and we were totally in love,but he lived in Chattanooga and we didn't have our driver's licenses yet.Matt knew I made it up,but he was too nice to say so.”

“I feel it coming, but I can't stop it.PANIC.They left me.My parents actually left me! IN FRANCE!Meanwhile, Paris is oddly silent.Even the opera singer has packed it in for the night. I cannot lose it.The walls here are thinner than Band-Aids, so if I break down, my neighbors-my new classmates-will hear everything. I'm going to be sick.I'm going to vomit that weird eggplant tapenade I had for dinner, and everyone will hear,and no one will invite me to watch the mimes escape from their invisible boxes, or whatever it is people do here in their spare time.”

“Dad steps away from the window, and I'm alarmed to discover his eyes are wet. Something about the idea of my father-even if it is my father-on the brink of tears raises a lump in my throat. "Well,kiddo.Guess you're all grown up now."My body is frozen. He pulls my stiff limbs into a bear hug.His grip is frightening. "Take care of yourself. Study hard and make some friends. And watch out for pickpockets," he adds. "Sometimes they work in pairs.”

“It was around the time of the divorce that all traces of decency vanished, and his dream of being the next great Southern writer was replaced by his desire to be the next published writer. So he started writing these novels set in Small Town Georgia about folks with Good American Values who Fall in Love and then contract Life-Threatening Diseases and Die.I'm serious.And it totally depresses me, but the ladies eat it up. They love my father's books and they love his cable-knit sweaters and they love his bleachy smile and orangey tan. And they have turned him into a bestseller and a total dick.Two of his books have been made into movies and three more are in production, which is where his real money comes from. Hollywood. And, somehow, this extra cash and pseudo-prestige have warped his brain into thinking that I should live in France. For a year.Alone.I don't understand why he couldn't send me to Australia or Ireland or anywhere else where English is the native language.The only French word I know is oui, which means "yes," and only recently did I learn it's spelled o-u-i and not w-e-e.At least the people in my new school speak English.It was founded for pretentious Americans who don't like the company of their own children. I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.Instead,I'm stuck with ninety-nine other students. There are twenty-five people in my entire senior class, as opposed to the six hundred I had back in Atlanta. And I'm studying the same things I studied at Clairemont High except now I'm registered in beginning French.Oh,yeah.Beginning French. No doubt with the freshman.I totally rock.”

“Being a good person, or a better person, or whatever it is you're worried about and trying to fix? It shouldn't change who you are. It means you become more like yourself.”

“Te amo como ciertas cosas oscuras son amadas, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.”

“It's ridiculous how difficult a question can be when the answer means so much.”

“When two people are in love, it’s supposed to work. It has to work. No matter how difficult the circumstances are.”

“But what? You love him, he loves you and you're in the most romantic city in the world.”

“It’s amazing how clothing affects how people see—or don’t see—you.”

“But I'm worse. I'm a child playing dress-up, who can't even recognize herself under her own costume.”

“He pats his way around the bed and slides back in. 'Ow,' he says.'Yes?''My belt. Would it be weird...'I’m thankful he can’t see me blush. 'Of course not.' And I listen to the slap of leather as he pulls it out of his belt loops. He lays it gently on my hardwood floor.'Um,' he says. 'Would it be weird—''YES.''Oh, piss off. I’m not talking trousers. I only want under the blankets.That breeze is horrible.' He slides underneath, and now we’re lying side by side. In my narrow bed. Funny, but I never imagined my first sleepover with a guy being, well, a sleepover.'All we need now are 'Sixteen Candles' and a game of Truth or Dare.'He coughs. 'Wh-what?''The movie, pervert. I was just thinking it’s been a while since I’ve had a sleepover.'A pause. 'Oh.”

“whyareyougivingawaythecookies?!”

“I bought you love poetry! 'I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.'" I blink at him. "Neruda. I starred the passage. God," he moans. "Why didn't you open it?”

“I said you were beautiful. I slept in your bed!”

“He's exasperated. "I'm saying I'm in love with you! I've been in love with you this whole bleeding year!”

“Did you wake me up... to talk about candy?”

“Why aren't the two of you together?'The directness of her question throws me. 'I don't know. Sometimes I think there are only so many opportunities... to get together with someone. And we've both screwed up so many times - that we've missed our chance.”

“Sólo hay una cosa que no me gusta de él. Ella.”

“Así pues, ¿qué deseo? ¿Algo que no sé si quiero? ¿A alguien que no sé si me conviene? ¿A alguien que sé que no puedo tener?A la mierda. Que lo decida la suerte.«Deseo lo que sea mejor para mí.»Toma generalización.”

“I get out of the car, and I'm blasted by the stench of body odor. Cricket is beside me, and he's talking, but his words don't reach my ears.Because it's my mother.Smelling.On my porch.”

“Andy once clipped a magazine article about how black dogs are always the last to be adopted at shelters and, therefore, more likely to be put down. Which is totally Dog Racism, if you ask me.”

“He’s coming over,” Lindsay says. “What do you want me to do? Kick him in the balls? I’ve been dying to kick him in the balls.”

“I’m not even embarrassed to hug my parents in public. Except when Nathan wears a sweatband when he goes running. Because really!”

“Even his hair seemed more startled than usual.”