Tammara Webber

“You may be the only one who'll see through all my bullshit and help me try to be something more, something better."I stare at our intertwined hands. "I don't want to help you try to be anything. I want someone who's already something more. On his own. With or without me.”

“Why me?" I hear his answer in my head before he says it."Don't know, honey. But there's a reason for everything." Dad pats my hand. "We'll just have to wait patiently to see what it is."As i do every time he says that or something like this, I bite back what I'd say if I could reply honestly. I don't believe there's a reason for everything, and having faith doesn't mean I'm blind. I believe people make poor choices. I believed bad things happen to good people. I believe there's evil in the world that I will never understand, but will never stop fighting. If I believe for two seconds that there was a reason behind some of the awful things that occur in this life, I wouldn't be able to stand it.”

“It’s my baby. I can’t just let her give it away—”

“The exception is I'm not going away. Don't ask me to do that ever again.”

“Erin was right. Apologies could come too late.”

“I've started researching online journals for the project. Thanks for decoding Dr. Heller's notes before sending them to me. If you'd have forwarded them to me without a translation, I'd be searching for a tall building/overpass/water tower from which to yell "goodbye cruel world.”

“Maybe I'm exactly where I should be after all.”

“Look at me, Emma."Her eyes are full, the lids heavy. "Graham," she breathes. "I need you to hear me." Cradling her head in my hands, thumbs sweeping her tears away, I stare into her eyes. "I belong to you. There is no one else. All I want is to be where you are.”

“I miss you Emma." I'm not sure, but it looks like her eyes tear up. "I was fine for months without you," she says, the words hushed and forlorn. "Why does it hurt now?" I'm sighing and shoving a hand through my hair, which I know from experience leaves strands of it stabbing out in numerous directions, defiant and crazy-looking. Maybe crazy is exactly how I feel. "Because now we have hope of something more.”

“She chews her lip, staring into my eyes. "Okay... Why did you kiss me in Austin?" I laugh softly and she frowns. "Sorry. That one's too easy." My gaze flicks to her mouth and back. "I'd wanted to kiss you ever since Quinton suggested playing spin the bottle, and by that night in your room, I'd run out of willpower to fight it.”

“I had to stop linking every single thing that happened to me with Kennedy. Realization dawned then, that he was still my default. Over the past three years, we’d become each other’s habit. And though he’d broken his habit of me when he walked away, I’d not broken my habit of him. I was still tethering him to my present, to my future. The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I began to accept it, as much as it hurt to do so.”

“And I’m okay, I really am, most of the time. But sometimes, I’m just not.”

“Or maybe I look in the mirror every day and am scared as shit that I’ll see either of my parents looking back at me.”

“She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that’s what love is—a total contradiction that somehow balances out.”

“Who gives a shit what everyone thinks?” he said. I see now that this has long been some sort of mantra for him. I've never been that free. I want to be, and sometimes I pretend to be, but I’m not. I’m forever chained to giving a shit about what someone thinks.”

“I fight the urge to enjoy anything too much in front of him, actually, and now that I’m aware of that fact, my brain gets hung up on why that is.”

“Alcohol removes inhibitions. It doesn't trigger criminal violence where there was none before.”

“Graham runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. Finally, with a determined scowl, he crosses the room. His hands grip my shoulders. “We are not,” his voice is a gentle tremor, “breaking up”

“So I don't want you to feel pressured. Or overpowered. But I do, absolutely, want to kiss you right now. Badly.”

“I had never noticed Lucas before that night. It was as though hedidn’t exist, and then suddenly, he was everywhere.”

“‎"Apartó las lágrimas de mi rostro.- ¿Cómo me has encontrado?Sacudí mi cabeza.- Quizás estoy exactamente donde debí de haber estado, después de todo.”

“there's not a boy on the planet worth this amount of angst. I know; I used to be one”

“If I met you last night, and brought you back to my place, or followed you to yours, and we had sex, that's what we asked for from each other. It's what I got, and what you got. I don't know you. You don't know me. Thanks for playing, and we're done. If by some fluke anything was said at some point during this entire exchange that made me curious enough to see you again, I would.Has that happened before? A couple of times. Did it last? Clearly, no.”

“He swallowed, closing his eyes and inhaling slowly. I knew he would be all rational and do-the-right-thing and he would push me away again, and I was determined not to give him that chance. But then his eyes flashed open and he said, "Fuck it," pushing me against the door, slamming his forearms on either side of my head and kissing me mmore forcefully than I'd ever been kissed”

“I'm a hopeful romantic who adores novels with happy endings, because there are enough sad endings in real life.”

“I was holding the door for several girls in front of you, and I waited for you to catch up. When you reached me, you looked pleased, and a little surprised. Unlike the others, you didn't expect the door to be held for you by some random guy. You smiled up at me and said, 'Thank you.”

“But girls willing to share your bed don't equal girls willing to put up with your random crap moods, listen to your exhaustive legal opinions, or support your life's goals the way someone who loves you would.”

“It was as though he didn't exist, and then suddenly, he was everywhere.”

“But the scars are always there, waiting for something to poke them.”

“People feel the need to choose sides when a relationship splits—it's human nature.”

“What I can't do anywhere is be with you.”

“I'm trying to protect you. From myself. I don't do..." he swung a finger back and forth between us"...this.”

“I could never be afraid of you.”

“The night we met—I'm not like that guy." His jaw was rigid."I know tha—" He placed a finger over my lips, his expression softening."So I don't want you to feel pressured. Or overpowered. But I do, absolutely, want to kiss you right now. Badly.”

“The way he kissed me felt like a brand. Like he was tattooing himself under my skin.”

“Lucas was fifteen minutes late to class on Friday, and we had a pop quiz first thing—which he missed. My first thought was how irresponsible it was to miss a quiz… and then I remembered that I missed the midterm. I couldn't exactly point any fingers.”

“El amor no es la ausencia de la lógicaPero la lógica examinada y recalculadaCalentada y curvada para adaptarseDentro de los contornos del corazón.”

“They call it 'falling in love' because it's less like stepping and more like tripping. Tripping is the part where you're still trying to remain upright”

“But just because you’re strong and resilient doesn’t mean you never need someone to be there for you, to take care of you.”

“I just told her I love her. There’s no going back. Nothing to do but own it. But there’s the crux of the matter—I want to own it.”

“I’ve come to ask how you do it. How you feel what I know you’re feeling and then walk away like that.”

“Even still, there’s more to this complex girl, and the physical craving I feel for her is merely an index to the rest of it. I know her patience, her kindness, her inherent desire to leave the world a better place than she found it. I’ve felt her forgiveness, her strength, and her ability to see something good in anyone. The whole of her is overwhelming, and the fact that I may have found her only to lose her scares the hell out of me.”

“Wow, shit. Gotten us a place? I am gone. Over Dorcas Cantrell, a girl who convinced me in a one-minute phonecall that I meant nothing to her.”

“What the hell is it about brooding guys that’s attractive to women, anyway? I’ve become one since Dori’s call three weeks ago, and it’s made me more of a chick magnet. I shouldn’t be surprised—being a dick never hurt my appeal before.”

“Not stupid. Overly trusting, maybe, but that reflects on his lack of trustworthiness, not on your intelligence.”

“I don't believe there's a reason for everything, and having faith doesn't mean I'm blind. I believe people make poor choices. I believe bad things happen to good people. I believe there's evil in the word that I will never understand, but will never stop fighting.”

“Few of us can actually change the world. We can only change ourselves. But if enough people took that to heart, the world would change.”

“Good God, what did he not remember?”

“I noticed you the first week. Not just because of how pretty you are, though of course, that played into it. It was the way you lean onto your elbows when you 're listening in class, when something catches your interest. And when you laugh, it's never to get attention, it's just-laughter. The way you obssevively tuck your hair behind your ear on the left side, but let the right side fall down like a screen. And when you 're bored, you tap your foot soundlessly and move your fingers on the desktop like you 're playing an instrument. I wanted to sketch you.”

“I never wanted you to get hurt, but i wanted to take you from him.”