Terry Pratchett

“And our lady friend, she thinks life works like a fairy tale.'Well, that’s harmless, isn’t it?'Yeah, but in fairy tales, when someone dies... it’s just a word.”

“I'm sure the Bursar would not agree with those figures," said the Senior Wrangler sourly."That is so,' said Ponder, "but I'm afraid that is because he regards the decimal point as a nuisance.”

“Once we were blobs in the sea, and then fishes, and then lizards and rats and then monkeys, and hundreds of things in between. This hand was once a fin, this hand once had claws! In my human mouth I have the pointy teeth of a wolf and the chisel teeth of a rabbit and the grinding teeth of a cow! Our blood is as salty as the sea we used to live in! When we're frightened, the hair on our skin stands up, just like it did when we had fur. We are history! Everything we've ever been on the way to becoming us, we still are. [...]I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think.”

“She is standing just behind you. Just behind your right shoulder."In the silence of the woods, Polly turned."I can't see her," she said."I am happy for you," said Wazzer, handing her the empty mug."But I didn't see anything," said Polly."No," said Wazzer. "But you turned around...”

“I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible.”

“So much universe, and so little time.”

“Imagination, not intelligence, made us human.”

“Look out! He's got a daisy!”

“The Captain of the Watch says if you're still in the City by sunrise he will personally have you buried alive.”

“Things Just Happen, What The Hell”

“She was a beefy young woman and, whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing.”

“Vimes had got around to a Clean Desk policy. It was a Clean Floor strategythat eluded him at the moment.”

“at least nine-tenths of all the original reality ever created lies outside the multiverse, and since the multiverse by definition includes absolutely everything that is anything, this puts a bit of a strain on things.Outside the boundaries of the universes lie the raw realities, the could-have-beens, the might-bes, the never-weres, the wild ideas, all being created and uncreated chaotically like elements in fermenting supernovas.Just occasionally where the walls of the worlds have worn a bit thin, they can leak in.”

“We're on a mission from Glod.”

“Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.”

“He gave Gaspode a long, slow stare, which was like challenging a centipede to an arse-kicking contest.”

“Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.”

“Captain Roberts went to Heaven, which wasn't everything that he'd expected, and as the receding water gently marooned the wreck of the Sweet Judy on the forest floor, only one soul was left alive. Or possibly two, if you like parrots.”

“„Veni, vermini, vomini - дойдох, натрясках се, издрайфах се?”

“He talks pretty big for a gutter wizard," he muttered."You don't understand at all," said the wizard wearily. "I'm so scared of you my spine has turned to jelly, it's just that I'm suffering from an overdose of terror right now. I mean, when I've got over that then I'll have time to be decently frightened of you.”

“You always knew where you stood with Quezovercoatl. It was generally with a lot of people on top of a great stepped pyramid with someone in an elegant feathered headdress chipping an exquisite obsidian knife for your very own personal use.”

“The Tezuman Empire in the jungle valleys of central Klatch is known for it organic market gardens, its exquisite craftsmanship in obsidian, feathers and jade, and its mass human sacrifices in honor of Quezovercoatl, the Feathered Boa, god of mass human sacrifices.”

“The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind."Ah," said Eric, "Good.""No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement.""Oh.”

“Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realize that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.”

“There's a door.""Where does it go?""It stays where it is, I think.”

“These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.”

“The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select.”

“Yes! I'm me! I am careful and logical and I look up things I don't understand! When I hear people use the wrong words, I get edgy! I am good with cheese. I read books fast! I think! And I always have a piece of string! That's the kind of person I am!”

“Sie war sich ziemlich sicher, dass es auch einen weiblichen Apostel gegeben haben muss, und verblüffte Captain Roberts mit ihrer Erklärung: "Unser Herr wird immer in weißen Gewändern dargestellt, also muß irgendwer dafür gesorgt haben, dass er jeden Tag ein sauberes anziehen konnte!”

“Vergiss nie", hatte sie immer wieder und allzu oft betont, "dass nur einhundertachtunddreißig Personen sterben müssen, damit dein Vater König wird! Und das bedeutet, dass du eines Tages vielleicht eine Königin bist!”

“Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce.”

“He sighed. It had come to this. He was a responsible authority, and people could use terms like "core values" at him with impunity. ”

“Whatever you choose, your choice will mean there are two new worlds. And perhaps sometimes, on the edge of sleep, we will see the shadow of the other world. There will be no unhappy memories.”

“Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it.”

“The secret is not to dream," she whispered. "The secret is to wake up. Waking up is harder. I have woken up and I am real. I know where I come from and I know where I'm going. You cannot fool me any more. Or touch me. Or anything that is mine.”

“This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done.”

“What was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But halfway between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of light and dark, when even the moon lived on the edge...maybe then a witch could believe in the moon.”

“There will be justice," said Brutha. "If there is no justice, there is nothing.”

“No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.”

“Om rubed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show tortoise how to fly. Then we let go.”

“I think," he said, "I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.”

“Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive.”

“Well, basically there are two sorts of opera," said Nanny, who also had the true witch's ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no experience whatsoever. "There's your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like "Oh oh oh, I am dyin', oh I am dyin', oh oh oh, that's what I'm doin'", and there's your light opera, where they sing in foreign and it basically goes "Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I like to drink lots of beer!", although sometimes they drink champagne instead. That's basically all of opera, reely.”

“Other people salted away money for their old age, but Nanny preferred to accumulate memories.”

“It was like being in a Jane Austen novel, but one with far less clothing.”

“Can you swim?" said Victor. One of the cavern's rotting pillars crashed down behind them. From the pit itself came a terrible wailing. "Not very well," said Ginger. "Me neither," he said. The commotion behind them was getting worse. "Still," he said, taking her hand. "We could look on this as a great opportunity to improve really quickly.”

“She heard him mutter, 'Can you take away this grief?''I'm sorry,' she replied. 'Everyone asks me. And I would not do so even if I knew how. It belongs to you. Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.”

“People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.”

“Hello, inner child, I'm the inner babysitter!”

“HO. HO. HO.”