“Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.”

“It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.”

“We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.”

“My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea.”

“Nothing in fine print is ever good news.”

“I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.”

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.”