“You cannot see the lettuce and the dressing without suspecting a salad.”

“Of course, if I had misbehaved that day, my dinner was a salad made entirely out of iceberg lettuce, with water on top instead of dressing. It was like cabbage soup without the dignity.
”

“Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce.”

“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.”

“The embarrassing thing is that my salad dressing is out-grossing my films.”

“I have an apple that thinks its a pear. And a bun that thinks it’s a cat. And a lettuce that thinks its a lettuce.""It’s a clever lettuce, then.""Hardly," she said with a delicate snort. "Why would anything clever think it’s a lettuce?""Even if it is a lettuce?" I asked."Especially then," she said. "Bad enough to be a lettuce. How awful to think you are a lettuce too.”