“My mum translated this in her head to "witchfinder," which was good because like most West Africans, she considered witchfinding a more respectable profession than policeman.”

“The motto of West African cooking is that if the food doesn't set fire to the tablecloth the cook is being stingy with the pepper.”

“...good-Samaritanism in London is considered an extreme sport - like base-jumping or crocodile-wrestling.”

“Despite my mum being from a small village in the middle of a forest, I'm not a country person. I don't like my bacon sandwich to be curiously snuffling at my fingers. But sometimes being police means holding your breath and fondling a pig.”

“Urban Outfitters, eh," said Beverley. "That explains the Dr Denim shirt.""My mum bought me that," I said."And you think that's less embarrassing?”

“This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework.”

“Being a seasoned Londoner, Martin gave the body the "London once-over" - a quick glance to determine whether this was a drunk, a crazy or a human being in distress. The fact that it was entirely possible for someone to be all three simultaneously is why good-Samaritanism in London is considered an extreme sport - like BASE jumping or crocodile wrestling.”