“I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.”

“The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!""No he doesn't!""He doesn't?""NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!""A traitor!""Calvin breaks for the goal.""Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!""Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!""Huh?!""When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!""Hidden?!""You'll never find it in a million years!""I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!""Ah, so you might think so...""In fact, I know so!""But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!""But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!""But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!""That would be true... if I were a football player!""You mean...?""I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!""And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!""Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall.""No cheating!”

“Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them.Mom: I haven't seen them.Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”

“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”

“I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?”

“Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it's just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!”

“Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report? Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes." Calvin: Academia, here I come!”