“The character doesn't even come out until people are tested and be put in extreme situations and most people spend their lives trying to avoid those kinds of situations.”

“The handcuffs are still on me, and they're uncomfortable, to say the least. I have no idea how people willingly use these things during sex, but please continue to count me out.”

“All of my most significant moments somehow involved music. It's like my life was a John Hughes film and somebody had to put together the perfect soundtrack.”

“Yesterday I had a woman ask me what kind of salad dressings we have. I told her we have sesame soy dressing, spicy lime vinaigrette, and blue cheese. She made a face and asked, 'Is that all?' 'Yes,' I told her, 'those are all of our dressings.' 'Don't you have any other dressings?' he says. I mean, what the hell? What does she think? That I'm holding out? I was tempted to say, "No, we actually have an entirely different assortment of dressings that I don't tell people about the first time they ask, because they don't deserve these great secret dressings. But now that you have proven your worth, I will show you to the VIP room, where the array of salad dressings will dazzle and delight you.”

“People make changes in their life, and they blend and assimilate. They find a way to make it work. That's where I've always taken the wrong turn. By not taking a turn at all.”

“you can have one of mine," he says. "i'll yank one out right now." no, that won't count. It has to be the lash that naturally falls out. "He gets on his knees and starts looking for my lash.”

“I tend to think the good outweighs the bad. Then again, I try to be a glass-half-full person. Although I stand by my theory that if you measure your happiness by the amount of liquid in your glass, you are either a cliche or an alcoholic.”