“I proved to you that psychiatry is an exact science!""An exact science?!""Yes, you owe me exactly one hundred and forty-three dollars!”

“There is a thought among some brands of theology that souls are waiting up in heaven to be born. Now how in the world anybody comes up with that is beyond me, and how you can be so sure of that is also beyond me. I always like to go back to Snoopy's theological writings, which he called, "Has It Ever Occurred to You That You Might Be Wrong." And that's the way I feel. These things fascinate me, and I like to talk about them with other people, and hear what they think. But I'm always a little bit leery of people who are sure that they're right about things that nobody's ever been able to prove, and never will be able to prove.”

“Let's just say that life has me beaten... So I give up! I admit there's no way I can win...""What is it you want, Charlie Brown?""How about two out of three?”

“I think I know what's wrong with you... Walk up onto that pitcher's mound... Does your stomach hurt now?""Yes! Ow! Ooo! Yes!""All right, now come down off the mound... There... Has it stopped hurting?""Yes... Yes, I think it has!""There's your trouble... Five cents, please!”

“A glacier will frequently move forward one foot while retreating three feet... Which reminds me a lot of myself!”

“Do you have your own room, Charlie Brown?""Oh, yes... I have a very nice room.""I hope you realize that you won't always have your own room... Someday you'll get drafted or something, and you'll have to leave your room forever!""Why do you tell me things like that?""It's on a list I've made up for you... I call it, Things You Might As Well Know!”

“I do not like a high-organized church. I think that as soon as the congregation reaches a level of one hundred or so people, it is time to build a new church. As soon as the congregation gets to the point where you are not on fairly intimate terms with every other person in that church, then you have become a theater where people can attend services. I do not think you can attend a church service. Service is not something which is there to be viewed as if it were a play or a movie.”