“Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind's roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feed pulled to.”

“She's so obnoxious. Like a whole Saturday night drunk tank full of obnoxious packed into one little body." Detective Cavuto”

“Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little "Hey, what's up?" pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff.--Being the Journal of Abby Normal”

“You know, he doesn't have to be the only one bopped in the noggin when noggin-boppin' time rolls around.”

“...One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.”

“They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?”

“You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's syndrome.”