“Dis'll only hurt a little. -Drofgum”

“They say 90% of the promotion of a book comes through word of mouth. But you've somehow got to get your book into the hands of those mouths first!”

“We weren't being mauled by lions.We weren't being tortured with bamboo shoots shoved under our fingernails.No Chinese water torture.No burning at the stake.We weren't even being interrogated under bright lights.If only.No, what we endured was a special kind of torture, designed especially for us by The Rat, that made me wish for a bamboo manicure. - Simon Mugford”

“W-Who knows? W-Who cares? I'm eating. - Gilbert Miller”

“Apparently she used to star in movies.Probably The Bride of Frankenstein. - Simon Mugford”

“They've read too many of those romances with alpha males striding their way through them. They think that beneath all that granite they're going to find a tender, injured soul crying out for their healing touch. Whereas I see someone whose mother didn't tell him to "make nice" enough when he was little. If he ever was little.”

“If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.”