“There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.”

“There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.”

“I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”

“America truly is the best idea for a country that anyone has ever come up with so far. Not only because we value democracy and the rights of the individual, but because we are always our own most effective voice of descent....We must never mistake disagreement between Americans on political or moral issues to be an indication of their level of patriotism. If you don't like what I say or don't agree with where I stand on certain issues, then good. I'm glad we're in America, and don't have to oppress each other over it. We're not just a nation, we're not an ethnicity. We are a dream of justice that people have had for a thousand years.”

“I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.”

“Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.”

“Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken.Infallibility is a sin in any man.All laws can be broken and are.Often.”