“Good heavens, no! I would not wish a British chef on anyone except the French tax collectors.”

“I would have thought you'd import an English staff?""Good heavens, no! I would not wish a British chef on anyone except the French tax collectors.”

“I wish Rick would be gang-raped by a bunch of Muslim garbage collectors.”

“I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.”

“In this world . . .It's Heaven when:The French are chefsThe British are policeThe Germans are engineersThe Swiss are bankersAnd the Italians are loversIt's Hell when:The English are chefsThe Germans are policeThe French are engineersThe Swiss are loversAnd the Italians are bankers.”

“I wanted to write in Kitchenese, the secret language of cooks, instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever dunked french fries for a summer job or suffered under the despotic rule of a tyrannical chef or boobish owner.”