“We don't want you convicted for condiment theft. You go to that prison, you'll meet big-time operators. Maple syrup stealers.”

“A house full of condiments and no real food. If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't.”

“This is illegal. If you don't let me out, you'll be arrested. I swear you will. You'll go to prison and be forced to have intimate relations with a man named Butch. Let. Me. Out.”

“...a sad sort of vulnerability was wafting from her, making the night smell like maple syrup.”

“You can spend a lot of time trying to figure out how men think, and you'll always be wrong. That's because they're so much simpler than we are. They don't think half the time. They just want what they want and then go for it.”

“I think we're given multiple chances to meet multiple soulmates. Sure, you could meet a soulmate in highschool. But that doesn't mean if you don't act on it, you'll never meet anyone else. You will, just at a time that's more convenient for you.”