“You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects?' He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along.”

“We've sifted through the eight thousand, don't worry about that. And this is the one. This is the murder weapon, no doubt about it."Then the President has been murdered?"I cant tell you that right now. But I can assure you that if there has been a murder, this is what did it.”

“That sounds so weird: "kill yourself." It makes it sound like you tried to murder someone, only that someone is you. But killing someone is wrong, and I don't think suicide is. It's my life, right? I should be able to end it if I want to. I don't think it's a sin.”

“If you commit perjury I don't care. Don't give a shit. I don't think you should because you grade murder. You have murder One. Murder Two. You realize that there can be a difference in the level of murder. So there must be a difference in the level of perjury. Perjury One is when you're saying there's no Holocaust when, you know, 10 million people have died in it, and Perjury Nine, is when you said you shagged someone and you didn't.”

“I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.”

“Mrs. Horowitz said, "It is inexcusable that humans think they can murder other animals because they murder themselves. I must tell you, I hate humans. They terrify me.""They should," I continued. "I interviewed Yehudi Menuhin the other day.”