“Trying to understand Daddy is like trying to nail jelly to a tree.”

“Whoever said nothing is impossible obviously hasn't tried nailing Jell-O to a tree.”

“Adult librarians are like lazy bakers: their patrons want a jelly doughnut, so they give them a jelly doughnut. Children’s librarians are ambitious bakers: 'You like the jelly doughnut? I’ll get you a jelly doughnut. But you should try my cruller, too. My cruller is gonna blow your mind, kid.”

“I felt like Winnie the Pooh trying to squeeze into the honey tree.”

“Daddy is trying really fugging hard to think of a not-terrifying reason why you'd wake Daddy up in the middle of the night to ask that fugging question. But no. No. Daddy does not have a match or a lighter.”

“Humans are mysterious creatures. There comes a time when we can clearly understand even things that we can't see. It's the same with anything. If you try your best, you can understand what it's like to "try your best". If you don't try your best, you understand what it's like to "not try your best".”