“You’ve got a good side?”“I do. I just don’t use it too often. My bad side’s so much more fun.”

“Kids are like heroin -- an injection of pain when they're around, but even when they're not around it's like that next fix. You just can't stop thinking about it.”

“That is a fart without wind....." in reference to when you can't back up what you say. very funny.”

“What's the difference between a classical guitar and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.”

“Nothing is as bad as it seems,' I thought with the last remnants of my dense optimism. It couldn't be. I'd already lost everything once, I'd been ten, and so had countless other people I knew, and they all picked up and kept going. Or they picked up and went in a slightly different direction.”

“Pessimism is not good for the soul.""I sold my soul years ago.""To whom?""The bitch goddess Success. She cut town before paying off.”

“This isn't dirty, it's just the way I say it.”