“Anyway, my writer gang: they kind of did their comedy apprenticeship with me and, during that period, when they were young and impressionable, I think I infected them with my pun virus. They grew to enjoy puns, think puns, just as much as me. The problem is people don't really like puns any more, so I worry I've rendered the poor fuckers virtually unemployable.”

“Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.”

“A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.”

“I walked back into the bedroom and, after all that, I actually was surprised. She lay on the bed, her hands nonchalantly behind her head, with the banana between her legs. Only half of it was alfresco. It was if we'd had sex and then, before heading for the bathroom, I'd bookmarked her vagina so as not to lose my place.”

“I don't like the taste it leaves in my mouth. ... Besides, OJ tastes better.Is that supposed to be a pun? If so, I'm telling on you.”

“But things were different now. I finally had my head -pun intended- on straight.”

“I seem to be able to get away with pun strips if I add a panel at the end where I somehow indicate that I know it's a bad pun.”