“Don't fall asleep yet. Contrary to popular belief, that's not where dreams get accomplished.”

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

“Contrary to popular belief, the past was not more eventful than the present. If seems so it is because when you look backward things that happened years apart are telescoped together, and because very few of your memories come to you genuinely virgin. It is largely because of the books, films and reminiscences that have come between that the war of 1914-18 is now supposed to have had some tremendous, epic quality that the present one lacks.”

“Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.”

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ”

“Contrary to popular belief, going shopping is really about stopping afterward for cheesecake.”

“There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved.”