“Reality's just the accumulation of ominous prophecies come to life. All you have to do is open a newspaper on any given day to weigh the good news versus the bad news, and you'll see what I mean.”

“I have good news and bad news. The good news is there is life (of a kind) after this life. The bad news is that Jean-Claude Villeneuve is a necrophiliac.”

“I have good news and bad news The good news is that the jeep is still where we left it, and I got the damned thing working again.""What's the bad news?""Something took my fuzzy dice.”

“The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do. ”

“The bad news is we don't have any control.The good news is we can't make any mistakes.”

“I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that.”