“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.”

“You need teeth like mine!" Grandma said. "You can just mail 'em to the dentist!”

“As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.”

“My mother came into the kitchen. "Whose car is that parked in front of our house?""That's Stephanie's new car," Grandma said. "Isn't it a pip?"One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. "Two new cars? Where are these cars coming from?""Company cars," I said."Oh?""Anal sex is not involved," I told her.My mother and grandmother both gasped."Sorry," I said. "It just slipped out.""I thought only homosexual men did anal sex," Grandma said."Anybody with an anus can do it," I told her."Hmm," she said. "I got one of them.”

“You know what this is?" Lula said. "This here's plane rage."Plane rage isn't allowed. It got taken off the allowed activities list along with eating. If you make a scene they'll hual you off in leg irons." Stephanie said.I'm tired of being stapped in here, too," Lula said. "This seat belt's too tight and it's giving me gas."Anything else?"There's no movie.”

“Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts. "I've still got pretty good legs, you know." She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. "What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?" Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.”

“You gonna take the case?"It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of."You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens," Grandma said.”