“A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is not a dream.
”

“A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.
”

“A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your hunger. 
”

“A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants
”

“A brick could be used as a dream stimulator. Just tap it gently against your forehead. And if the mechanism gets stuck, just slam it down on your skull to jar everything loose.
”

“A brick could be used to motivate. Just hold it up as an example of something that’s going nowhere in life.

”

“A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.
”