“A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out.
”

“A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.
”

“A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants
”

“A brick could be dropped at the feet of your enemy, as a gift, as an insult, as a way of saying “I’ll tear down the wall between us—and tear down the walls of your life.” Then you might try offering him a cheese sandwich.
”

“A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal the brick. And because the brick won’t get stolen, it’s proof that it deterred thieves from approaching your property.
”

“A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.”

“A brick could be used as a dream stimulator. Just tap it gently against your forehead. And if the mechanism gets stuck, just slam it down on your skull to jar everything loose.
”