“A job is like a politician struggling in the water. Be sure you hold it down.”

“A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.
”

“A brick could help me hold down a job. Hey, in an economy as bad as this, every little bit helps. 
”

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”

“Three people are interviewing for a job. The first thinks his odds are 33.3 percent of landing the job. The second guy, so sure of himself, thinks his odds are 100 percent. The third guy, however, knows he has a 50 % chance of getting the job, and a 25 % chance of getting convicted of murder. He likes those odds.”

“Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep coming around.”

“A politician’s word is like a thick tree branch, and the people are all hanging on it. Well, I’ve got noose for you, politicians won’t keep their word, but they will keep you hanging.”