“A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait.”

“To be environmentally friendly, I’d ride my stationary bike to work. I hope my career works out, because it feels like I'm just spinning my wheels.”

“I took the wheels of my bike off in support of your bicycle race to support bike riding.”

“Here is my naked body. Take a long look at what nobody else can look at. And hurry up, before all the spectators show up.”

“I am terrified of heights, sharks, and spiders, so I am not into skydiving, surfing, or camping. I am the epitome of cowardice.”

“A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.”

“In 50 years, I’m going to tell my grandchildren, “Back when I was growing up we didn’t have teleportation devices. We actually had to walk to school. In the snow. And shoes hadn’t even been invented yet.”