“An ice sculpture in the Sahara makes about as much sense as donkey left open gaping wagon, Sergeant (add cream cheese sparingly).”

“I like ice cream with my cake. But in moderation, and not like five gallons with a cupcake. For that much ice cream, I’d need at least two cupcakes.”

“I made an ice sculpture that represents my love for you. It never melts.”

“On second thought, maybe “Penis on a Stick Ice Cream Parlor” is not such a good name for a business—even an ice cream shop—but especially not a day care center catering towards the albino dwarf community.”

“If I could lick the sunset, I’ll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream.”

“On the frozen tundra, I milked a cow and pumped out ice cream. Strangely, it had chunks of strawberries in it.”

“Did I hear that right? Did someone say ice cream? It’s an odd thing to say in the middle of a eulogy, but hell yes, I could go for some ice cream. We could take a break, because it’s not like this guy won’t still be dead in a half an hour.”