“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and while I wasn’t the best looking, my brother was two years younger and therefore not in my graduating class.”

“I went to a homosexual high school. I graduated top in my class. I couldn't imagine being on the bottom.”

“Last year, millions of students didn’t graduate from high school. They didn’t drop out, they were simply in elementary and middle schools.”

“The longest I have ever gone without sex is sixteen years. But to my credit, elementary and middle school were rough dating years.”

“My nickname in high school was Catch 22. Not because I was a walking dilemma, but because I had 22 catches freshman year. The interesting part was that I didn’t play football, but that’s just how inaccurate our quarterback was.”

“My high school principal, Mr. Heisenberg, was the uncertain principal.”

“In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated.”