“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said she wouldn’t give me all her love, she said nothing about not wanting to give me some of her love.”

“She said, “What?” so I replied, “What what?” She gave me a look that said, “What what what?” and I didn’t respond because I fell in love with her.”

“She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.”

“I asked if she wanted kids. She said her clock is ticking. I said, That’s because I set it five minutes ahead when you weren’t looking.”

“She told me she’d never forget me as long as she lived, and I got offended, because what, as soon as she dies I’m forgotten? Gee, thanks. I see how much I mean to her.”

“She’s the kind of woman where if you give her an inch, she’ll take the whole penis.
 She took all I had, and she didn’t even take me out to coffee.”

“She told me she has her eye on me, so I said, And what do you have your other eye on?”