“I carry your love like a backpack. I only wish your love had a larger cargo capacity, and had zippers instead of Velcro.”

“I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.”

“Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.”

“I wish I had money now. If only I’d saved my allowance growing up, instead of squandering it on balls, balloons, booze, and floozies.”

“Love reminds me of when I was six and had a pet goldfish named “Silverbird” that I carried around the house, petting it like a cat. Needless to say it died. So I ate it.”

“The rocky terrain wasn’t the reason we were on uneven footing. She had no feet, and I was in love. We made love like Nickelback makes music—and I enjoyed it, but I wish the fans in the audience wouldn’t have screamed so loud.”

“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!).
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