“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet.”

“I got offended when she laughed, because she was showing pleasure, but she was also showing displeasure—in all the previous moments where she hadn’t laughed.”

“She said, “What?” so I replied, “What what?” She gave me a look that said, “What what what?” and I didn’t respond because I fell in love with her.”

“The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was somebody else, somebody I could love. And since somebody else never showed up, I did fall in love with her.”

“The moment I heard her name I fell in love. Of course I fell in love with the wrong name, so I made her legally change her name to match that of my love interest.”

“Even though I knew she needed to get something off her chest, I was hoping it wasn’t her big, beautiful breasts.”

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—she really must be late. I’m going to be a father!”