“I got fat, and I decided to do something about it, so I got fatter.”

“I fell in love with a beautiful girl, got her pregnant, and then I got married. I wonder whatever happened to that beautiful girl I got pregnant.”

“My grandmother got approved right before the law changed, so naturally she got grandfathered in. In related news, but completely unrelated, I was adopted.”

“Give me a bouncy ball. I’ve got some ideas I want to throw at you. Put on your squeaky shoes—we’ve got work to do!”

“I didn’t feel like buying him the jacket he asked for for Christmas, so I just got him a coat hanger with a sticky note attached that read, “Here’s something for you to hang your dreams on, pal.”

“I got him a cool gift. I got him a pack of razors, and a really furry dead cat.”

“I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand.”