“I have a photographic memory. Especially for nudes.”

“North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way.”

“I’m glad I don’t have any foreskin, because at a nude beach I’d feel overdressed. (It’d be the only time I could feel overdressed by showing too much skin).”

“Art books are filled with interesting images. And that’s cool and all, but I look more for the nudes.”

“The picture is bad because the photographer was poor. I took the picture myself, and you can clearly tell I have no money.”

“My time at the pool went swimmingly. Better than a nude beach, because I was the only one who was naked.”

“I like to pet trees—especially if they have furry leaves.”