“I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.”

“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to teach you patience. And also that sometimes you get ice with no water, and later you’ll get water with no ice. Ah, but that’s life, no?
”

“I admire the Stanley Cup. I’ll bet winning it could provide enough clean water for half of Africa (the middle half).”

“I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.”

“Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday.”

“I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on each water molecule and then drink the funniest drink ever.”

“At Starbucks I like ordering a “Tall venti in a grande cup.” That’s basically me asking for a small large in a medium cup.
”