“I keep my love in the trunk. And I drive slowly over speed bumps, so she doesn’t bump her head around.”

“If an ambulance gets in a wreck, who drives them to the hospital? Why doesn’t the hospital drive to them? I volunteer to drive, and the volume of speeding tickets I have shows I'm qualified to get there in a rush.”

“I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the trunk, untied me, and took off my blindfold.”

“I loved her so much, but she vanished from my life. She didn’t just suddenly disappear, but she slowly began losing her opacity until eventually her transparency was 100%.”

“If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my hand around your fist like it was a circular shower handle, and toggle between hot and cold a few times. But I won’t get naked for you.”

“The girl who did my oil change was so sexy that after she was done, I drove nonstop 2500 miles one way, just so I could immediately turn around and drive back with a reason to see her again.”

“The engine of my car is so powerful I could wash dishes under the hood. But that’d be pretty absurd, since I keep the dishwasher in the trunk.”