“I made an agreement with the fish. They’d give up their lives, if I’d eat every one that died for me.”

“If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes.”

“If zombies eat brains, then they’d love me, because who doesn’t like a buffet?”

“If I were among midgets I didn’t know, I’d be afraid they’d see I was uncomfortable making small talk.”

“If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting.”

“I’d hate to be forced to drink my own vomit without throwing up, because what if they made me drink that too?”

“I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me.”