“I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards.”

“I’m 30% in love, and if I ever rise to 70%, then I’ll be 100% in love. But I’ll still be mathematically challenged.”

“I don’t care about being cool. I just want to be loved by half the world (100% of the female population).”

“I surround myself with salt, so it soaks up the humidity from my steamy solo love making sessions.”

“I loved her so much, but she vanished from my life. She didn’t just suddenly disappear, but she slowly began losing her opacity until eventually her transparency was 100%.”

“Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.”

“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.”