“I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards.”

“I am in love with Montana. For other states I have admiration, respect, recognition, even some effection, but with Montana it is love.”

“Congratulations, Mommy," I say, dropping the doll into his hands. "You could've told me I knocked you up.""My bad. I thought you'd force me to get an abortion," Henry replies, taking the baby and cradling it as if it's real. "He has your eyes, Woods.""And your hair." The doll is bald. "Can we name him Joe Montana?""Hells no, his name is Jerry Rice.""No, his name is Joe Montana.""I was in labor with him for fourteen hours!" Henry exclaims as he rocks the baby back and forth. “His name is Jerry Rice."I grin. "Fine.”

“I’m in love with Montana. For other states I have admiration, respect, recognition, even some affection. But with Montana it is love. And it’s difficult to analyze love when you’re in it.”

“Lana says J.P. makes Matt Damon from the Bourne movies look like Oliver from Hannah Montana”

“LONG-DISTANCE READING: To determine the readable distance in feet, of words on a billboard, take half the height of one of the letters in inches and multiply by 100.”