“I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.”

“I didn't get fired.""You didn't punch your boss and get fired from the Tribune? That's what I heard.""I punched what could loosely be called a colleague for cribbing my notes on a story and since the editor–who happened to be the asshole's uncle–took his word over mine, I quit.""To write books. Is it fun?""I guess it is.""I bet you killed the asshole in the first one you wrote.""You'd be right. Beat him to death with a shovel. Very satisfying.”

“Every man ought to take down some of the preacher’s words and ideas, and go into some lane or by-way, and preach them again to others. We ought to have four ears—two for ourselves and two for other people.”

“It’s hard not to be impatient with the absurdity of the young; they tell us that two and two make four as though it had never occurred to us, and they’re disappointed if we can’t share their surprise when they have discovered that a hen lays an egg. There’s a lot of nonsense in their ranting and raving, but it’s not all nonsense. One ought to sympathize with them; one ought to do one’s best to understand. One has to remember how much has to be forgotten and how much has to be learnt when for the first time one faces life. It’s not very easy to give up one’s ideals, and the brute facts of every day are bitter pills to swallow. The spiritual conflicts of adolescence can be very severe and one can do little to resolve them.”

“Don’t you think there are two greatthings in life that we ought to aim at—truth and kindness? Let’shave both if we can, but let’s be sure of having one or the other.”

“Thanks to Bruce and Casey, I could operate six different firearms, drop a two-hundred-pound asshole to the floor in three seconds, and cuff a perp with one hand tied behind my back.And they called it "family time.”