“I spent about eight hours deep in thought over whether to get divorced. That may seem like a long time to ponder something, but I multitasked and slept at the same time. I woke up with an erection, and a decision.”

“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”

“You’re disoriented. You’re in the future. You just woke up. You’ve been asleep for eight hours.
”

“You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours.”

“Since the day I was born, I’ve spent my time being a human being, and I regard this as a good decision. But not a great one.”

“After our date, I spent about an hour trying to get in her pants before finally giving up. Her pocket was just too tight.”

“I’m like a ventriloquist chasing his own voice. I can whisper and shout at the same time, and this is the closest approximation I have to a description of love. I would offer you something to drink, but I’m not in the kitchen, even though it may sound like I am.”