“I started out on a treadmill—and I just did my first marathon. And all while sitting in a wheelchair.
”

“Most kids start talking by age two. I didn't say a word until I was twelve. I was just angry and defiant I guess. My first word wasn't "Mom" or "Dad." It was "No.”

“Being vulgar to be funny is a crutch, and I prefer wheelchairs.”

“Large metal objects moving at high speeds have such an impact on me that I just get paralyzed. Honk if you’re horny, and find men in wheelchairs sexy.”

“I’m running a marathon. I won’t be jogging, walking, or sprinting, but I will be overseeing it.”

“I’ve been to 8 Mile. I condensed a half marathon into it.”

“I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.”