“I was fashionably late in my unfashionable clothes.”

“I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead.”

“If I were deaf, I’d wear loud clothing. My clothes would also be covered in coffee stains, because Helen Keller is my hero.”

“I want to be the world’s safest fashion designer. And I always wear my seatbelt, especially when I’m in the car.”

“I buy black clothes, so I can hide behind my shadow.”

“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.”

“There’s no room in my life for a woman. I mean I live in a closet, and I suppose I could squish my clothes over and she could squeeze in, but where is she supposed to put her clothes? And her shoes, what about her shoes?”