“If I say “No decision has been made,” it’s a lie—because I have decided to remain undecided.”

“According to me I have hypochondria. So if I say I suffer from a condition where a person thinks they suffer from everything, it’s a giant loop! Nobody can say I don’t suffer from it because just by saying I suffer from it I am showing the symptoms of suffering from it.”

“I drew the outline of a flag blowing in the wind. I decided to leave it an outline, because that made it look like the empty symbol I hold it to be. There's no hiding behind a see-through flag.”

“I would say exploit the stupid, because they’re expendable and loyal, but it’s a fact: politicians are not loyal.”

“It’s been said that you make as much money as the average income of your five closest friends. Well, I have no friends, so it’s no surprise that I have no money either.”

“I have three sets of humor. One I keep in a bag of salt, because it’s the dry one.
”

“Schrödinger’s cat was a Siamese cat, must have been, because if it’s at once alive and dead, it’s a zombie, and the only zombie cats are Siamese cats.”