“If I were among midgets I didn’t know, I’d be afraid they’d see I was uncomfortable making small talk.”

“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
”

“I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripper I bought off eBay. But it was just a pair of shoes I ordered. Didn’t matter, I still made them dance for me.”

“I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.”

“If I were facing a firing squad, I’d ask them to hold on just one second, because I have a wedgie and it is very uncomfortable. Let me adjust myself, and then you can shoot me.”

“I saw two statues talking to each other. I didn’t hear what they were saying, perhaps because they were whispering.”

“I’m so tall I make midgets look like dwarves.”