“I’m a tiger made out of a paper towel, and I’m going to wipe you out.”

“I’m building a hot air balloon out of my love for you. I’m starting with the hot air, and then I’m going to surround that with saran wrap, because after all, I’m only using leftovers.”

“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’m not busy, but I am kidnapped.”

“So I got a new job, and I start tomorrow. I’m excited to have a job, and bummed out I’m going to be working.”

“I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to be hungry during intercourse?”

“I am greedy with water. I made your apology tea dry. I’m sorry. You might try snorting it out of the bag.”

“When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened.”