“Last year, millions of students didn’t graduate from high school. They didn’t drop out, they were simply in elementary and middle schools.”

“The longest I have ever gone without sex is sixteen years. But to my credit, elementary and middle school were rough dating years.”

“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and while I wasn’t the best looking, my brother was two years younger and therefore not in my graduating class.”

“My nickname in high school was Catch 22. Not because I was a walking dilemma, but because I had 22 catches freshman year. The interesting part was that I didn’t play football, but that’s just how inaccurate our quarterback was.”

“I went to a homosexual high school. I graduated top in my class. I couldn't imagine being on the bottom.”

“In the 48 hours following my discovery of her infidelity, I found out she’d been with three other guys—two of them being conjoined twins. The twins didn’t go to our school, and they weren’t homeschooled either. They were 57-years-old and homeless.”

“In middle school, Renaldo was voted most likely to vote in a Presidential election. But he was the most obvious choice to receive that accolade, since he was the only 17-year-old at school.”