“Life: Don’t count the minutes, count your blessings.”

“I vote to have my vote voided—which means my vote won’t count even when it counts, and it will count even when it won’t count.”

“The flashing black line on an empty Word document reminds me that my life is counting down second by second, and that if I don’t write I’ll have wasted my time here on earth.”

“Experience counts for something. I count with my fingers. I could count on you, but you’ve only got one finger for me (the middle one).”

“Loyalty is for the dogs. Count me among the cats. And count me twice—once for each of my faces.”

“I’d rather count to one billion, than waste my time thinking I could count on you.”

“I have so many friends I couldn’t even count them on one hand—not even if I had six fingers. Now, if I had seven fingers, I could count on them, but I still wouldn’t be able to count on my friends.”