“Love is a gift that costs nothing to give. Love is also the most valuable thing in the world. Think about that next time you’re tempted to call me a cheap bastard because I didn’t buy you a birthday present.”

“My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents.”

“A clone would make a great birthday gift, because it’s the only gift that keeps on giving. At least it’d better give me a birthday present every year. It owes its life to me.”

“A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only your clone. And besides being the perfect gift, it’d also be a surprise, because it’s not like you bought your own gift.”

“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said she wouldn’t give me all her love, she said nothing about not wanting to give me some of her love.”

“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t feel. It amazes me how often I think about not thinking about it.”

“When I think about my clone, random songs pop into my head. Songs like, “Happy Birthday.” Will he celebrate the same birthday as me? He’d better, because without me, there’d be nothing for him to celebrate.”