“Love is like a banana, and I keep it in my pocket on cold days to warm up my hand.”

“Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes.”

“I like wearing earmuffs. They keep my balls warm.”

“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day long.”

“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.”

“I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42.”

“If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).”